


When I Needed You

by nikogio



Series: Relativity [3]
Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Marriage Proposal, and even some plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:20:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26482558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikogio/pseuds/nikogio
Summary: “Bottom line is, couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if it's right and they're real lucky.”
Relationships: Perry Cox & John "JD" Dorian, Perry Cox/John "JD" Dorian
Series: Relativity [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868620
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

“I think I’m gonna propose,” I blurted out over my porterhouse.

Jordan’s wine glass remained at her lips as I finished, her eyes blank, and her initial sip eventually drained the glass. I drummed my fingers nervously on the tabletop until she finally returned it to the table with a forceful _tink_.

“That’s...hilarious, actually!” She grinned. I felt my brow crinkle.

“Ah, how’s that now?”

Jordan gave a brief, pointed cackle.

“Well, let’s see, things are going pretty well for you right now, wouldn’t you say?” I nodded slowly. “And wouldn’t you also say that things were going pretty well for _us_ up to about the same point in our relationship?”

“Relatively, sure...” I stretched the word as my suspicion heightened.

“Then I’d say you’re right on schedule for a classic trip through Self-Sabotage Station!” She concluded, clapping her hands with a hint of malice and a smirk that begged for argument.

“It’s different this time, Jordan,” I said flatly. She rolled her eyes over-dramatically.

“I mean, _hardly_. But I’ll bite. How so, Perry?”

“Well for starters, Newbie is not _you_ ,” I growled through gritted teeth.

“I guess you’re right about that. I’ll bet he’s much easier to kick around.” Her head tilted in exaggerated contemplation. I had to grip the table to keep my fists from halving it. But when I opened my mouth to fire back, I caught a glimmer of sadness as Jordan’s mask faltered ever so briefly. A tug of sympathy loosened my tightly curled fingers and I instead found myself reaching gingerly for her hand.

“Jordan, I love you and Jack more than I ever thought possible. But you and I both know we were a nightmare together. Even when it was good, we just never found the right way to make it last.”

She stared at our entwined fingers and sighed; I returned one in kind and continued.

“I promise you though, no matter what life Newbie and I have together, you two have a place in it. No exceptions. And JD knows that, too.” I squeezed her fingers and she looked up at me, glassy-eyed and smiling wistfully in a rare display of emotion.

“You really love that idiot, don’t you?” It was more an observation than a question. I chuckled.

“It would seem that way. Guess I’m kind of an idiot too.”

“Right,” she teased, “just like I’m _kind of_ a knockout and Bob Kelso is _kind of_ an ass.”

I gave an exaggerated nod and grinned. She shook her head and motioned to the waiter for another glass of merlot.

“Well, that’s enough cloying sentiment for one night,” she declared. “But for what it’s worth, Per, I hope you two gals will be very happy together. Really.” I smiled and tried to suppress the rising flush in my cheeks.

“Then for what it’s worth, Jordan, thank you.”

* * *

I arrived home from dinner to find my Newbie sprawled across the couch, still in his scrubs, half-asleep in front of a rerun of _Friends_.

“Hey Per,” he cooed sleepily.

“Hey Kid. When’d you get home?” I tossed my keys onto the bar and ditched my shoes, unbuttoning my shirt as I crossed the room toward him.

“Mm...like twenty minutes ago I think,” he yawned.

I leaned over to kiss the top of his head, enjoying the faint coconut aroma of his conditioner. He tilted his head upward and caught my lips with his, humming contentedly in the way that almost breaks my heart in its softness. I motioned for him to sit up and took the space at his head before pulling him back into my lap.

“How’s Jordan?” he murmured.

“Oh you know, same old she-demon we’ve come to know and love.”

JD giggled drowsily and snuggled deeper into my lap, asleep in mere moments. I stroked his hair and zoned out at the television until I felt my own eyelids begin to sag. As comfortable as our bed was, the warmth of that moment dispelled any intention I had of moving. Instead I leaned back against the cushion, pulled a blanket across the two of us, and let myself drift off beneath the warm weight I’d grown to cherish.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A beach day goes a bit sideways and Perry and JD have to start facing some demons. Content warning for implied homophobic slurs.

The following morning we packed the car for our weekend trip to the coastline.

“Newbie, are those Jack’s pail and shovel?” I asked incredulously.

“Jordan let me borrow them!” he chirped. I made a show of rolling my eyes, but he just grinned back at me, cerulean eyes twinkling in the early morning sun. “I’m gonna build such an amazing sandcastle, Per-Per. Even you won’t be able to make fun of it.”

“Oh-ho Johnny-Boy, challenge _enthusiastically_ accepted,” I responded with a smirk. He just giggled as he took his place in the passenger seat and immediately began fiddling with the radio knobs.

I quickly patted my jeans and shirt pockets to confirm that I hadn’t left anything behind, namely a certain little oaken box. As I ducked into the Porsche, Newbie eyed me suspiciously.

“There a problem, Kid? Or did you just forget how amazing I look in these jeans?”

“Impossible, believe me. I’ve just never seen you check your pockets like that before,” he noted with palpable confusion.

“Hmm, how unobservant of you!” I deflected lamely and started the engine. The weight of the box in my breast pocket seemed to triple. JD raised an eyebrow at me, but fortunately didn’t pursue the matter any further. Instead he placed a hand on my thigh and squeezed gently.

“You gonna help me with my sandcastle?” He teased.

“Move your hand a few inches to the left and I’ll help you with anything your little heart desires,” I winked as we pulled onto the road. JD chuckled and pinched my backside.

“Don’t tempt me.”

* * *

I lay prone on my reclining beach chair, head resting lazily upon my clasped hands. Newbie, ever the child at heart, sat resting on his heels, knees digging into the sand, plastic shovel in hand. I had to admit, the sandcastle was more impressive than I’d anticipated.

“I think you picked the wrong career, there, Johnny-Boy. You seem to have missed your calling as an architect for tiny sand-dwellers.”

He giggled and stood, placing his hands on his hips to admire his work.

“I suppose you’re right, Per. I am indeed queen of the sandcastle!”

I chuckled and shook my head, amazed that this was the same man in whose capable hands so many ill patients had entrusted their lives.

“You’re a queen, alright, my dear. Does Her Majesty care to return to the throne? The king is feeling a bit too old for beach games and left his other book back at the hotel.” JD grinned and made his way behind my chair, where he kissed my forehead and took his place in the matching chair beside me.

“Lucky for you, I have a thing for older monarchs with muscly shoulders,” he teased with a grin and comically wiggling eyebrows.

No sooner had JD taken his seat than I felt a shadow fall across my face. I gazed upward to see two early twenty-something muscle heads looming over us. They reeked a combined stench of fresh and stale booze. The taller of the two stood menacingly over JD’s chair, his shaved head reflecting the sunlight with a blinding sheen. JD shot me a wide-eyed glance and I motioned subtly with my hand to reassure him.

“Gentlemen,” I started gruffly, “whatever it is I can help you with, I’m _quite_ sure I can do it better without you playing fast-and-loose with my personal space. Whaddya say?”

“Tell you what, old man,” sneered the asshole crowding JD, “you can help us out by clearing the fuck out of here and making space for some _decent_ folk.”

I felt my upper lip curl tightly inward and swallowed forcefully, trying to keep my temper in check. Much as I felt an uppercut just screaming to be thrown, a beach brawl and a visit to the county jail weren’t really in our weekend itinerary, and I intended to keep it that way.

“Come on, man,” Newbie piped up with surprising assertiveness. “We’re just here trying to relax. No need to start anything.”

I grimaced at his naive stab at reasoning with the two buffoons whose combined intellect wouldn’t fill Jack’s plastic beach pail.

“Yeah? Well we were here trying to relax, too,” the man in front of me grinned predatorily. “But we’re finding it damn near impossible, what with having to hear you two queers yapping every ten seconds. Know what I mean?”

I felt my face flush crimson and saw JD’s do the same. His teeth were grinding, lips pressed into a barely visible line, eyes squinting to fight any hint of welling tears. I stood slowly, fists balled in my pockets, and moved backward to the rear of Newbie’s chair. The area around us was dotted with fellow beach-goers; most seemed unaware of any unrest, but I noticed a few sets of eyes had locked onto us.

“Come on, Kid,” I murmured. “Apparently it’s Field Trip Day for the middle schoolers and I sure as hell didn’t sign up for chaperone duty.” Every ounce of strength I could muster went into maintaining a collected facade, while just beneath, the blood roiled in my veins.

Newbie looked up at me, eyebrows raised quizzically, but he stood and brushed the sand from his bathing suit. The two men (if you could call them that) exchanged self-satisfied chuckles as we folded our chairs and gathered our towels. My gut was boiling with rage and I could only hear a roaring static, but I clasped a hand firmly over Newbie’s shoulder and we started toward the parking lot.

“That’s what I thought,” snickered the more verbal of the pair. “The old guy’s too burnt out to fight and the girly one is just your run-of-the-mill fa—“

The blaring static exploded into a deafening roar and was accompanied by a blinding white flash as I wheeled around. My surroundings vanished from view and I felt only fury.

Then I felt nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to rely on the small acts of kindness to get you through. And sometimes you have to deck a guy.

When I regained awareness, I found myself staring down at the loudmouth goon, fully unconscious, limbs splayed, with a trail of blood flowing from his nose down the side of his face, and ending in a pool beneath his ear. I checked my hands; they still clutched my chair and towel, completely bloodless. Then my eyes scanned to JD. He stood motionless above the goon, half in shock, cradling his fist in his other hand. The shorter, quieter meathead had backed several feet away, seemingly undecided as to whether he should abandon his friend or risk the same fate. In a moment of clarity, he chose the former, arms flailing as he stumbled away, drunken and confused. 

I then knelt down, removing my pen light from my bag, and took the man’s wrist. His breath sounds and pulse were steady and strong and both pupils were responsive. As I looked up to relay the news to JD, I noticed he hadn’t yet moved and the look of shock had remained. I returned to my feet, stepped over the unconscious man, and pulled JD into a suffocating hug. This broke him from his stupor and he buried his face in my neck, letting out a series of labored exhales. 

“You’re okay there, Newbie,” I murmured softly, my lips grazing his ear. He shuddered through each breath as I rubbed soothing lines across his back. We stood this way for a minute or two before we were interrupted.

“Are you guys alright?” called an unfamiliar voice. 

Several yards behind Newbie, a pubescent-looking lifeguard approached the scene, accompanied by a middle-aged woman whom I’d recognized as one of the former onlookers. JD spun around, pressing his back against me. I lay a protective hand across his chest.

“Just fine, Chief,” I replied, trying to accentuate any calm I could convey. “As for our—ahem—drowsy friend, here, I’m thinking he may need some medical attention on the sooner side of later.” I jerked my head emphatically toward the would-be assailant.

The young lifeguard’s eyes widened. Clearly his training had not prepared him for such an occurrence. 

“What the hell happened?” He squeaked. I felt JD’s muscles tense; a young doctor committing battery is not exactly a headline that goes unnoticed. But before I could provide any semblance of response, the woman beside the lifeguard stepped forward.

“I saw the whole thing!” She announced.

Now it was my turn to tense up. But much to my surprise, she shot us a subtle wink before continuing. 

“That kid’s been here for hours drinking with his friends. These two gentlemen were just getting up to leave when he walked—or I guess stumbled—by and just tripped over his own feet. Fell right into them and smashed his face on this young man’s chair.” She gestured to JD. “Isn’t that right, boys?” I had to give her credit—she was convincing beyond expectation.

I coughed the surprised from my throat before responding.

“That sounds right on the money, in fact. Yeah, Newbie?” I shook JD gently, quite certain he would need the wake-up.

“Hmm? Yeah. The money,” he mumbled absently. I casually adjusted his towel to cover his bruised knuckles.

The bewildered lifeguard stood agape, eyes moving between us, the compassionate woman, and the body lying behind us.

“Alright,” he breathed heavily. “Well the ambulance is on its way. I guess you guys can go.”

JD looked up at me, still dazed.

“Wouldn’t it be better if we stayed—“

“ _JD_ ,” I interjected pointedly, “this _clearly_ competent young man is in charge and we ought to respect that. Don’t you think?” 

He nodded and made haste toward the parking lot. I caught the gaze of the woman and mouthed a pronounced thank you before turning to follow. Gathering my belongings once more, I jogged to catch up to the man who still managed to find new ways to simultaneously steal and break my heart.

“Newbie?”

“Y-yeah?” He stammered. I grasped his arm and spun him to face me.

“I’ve never found you sexier than I do at this very moment.”

“Enjoy it while you can, Perry,” JD said breathily. I smiled and quirked an eyebrow.

“Oh? Why’s that?” I grinned.

“Because I think I peed myself.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trauma inevitably opens up old wounds that, if ignored, can turn toxic. JD and Perry try to make sense of themselves and one another.

  
The ride back to the hotel was uncharacteristically silent. I drummed the steering wheel uncomfortably and rested my hand on JD’s thigh as he stared out the window. All the while, the past hour played on a loop in my head. Of course I was a bit jealous that Newbie had all the ass-kicking fun without me, but I was also immensely proud of him for decking that jackass and standing up for himself. Hell, he stood up for both of us. 

I was still struggling though, with something I couldn’t quite name. And stubborn as ever, I much preferred to figure it out myself before trying to talk to the kid about it. Whatever it was, its weight quickly anchored itself in my chest and the idea of sitting with it for any length of time was less than desirable. 

Eventually, we pulled into the hotel lot. As the engine cut, I noticed the distinct absence of shuffling beside me. JD sat, still buckled, staring straight through the floor.

“Newbie, are you with us?” I teased lightly. He looked up at me, his expression blank.

“Why didn’t you help me back there?” His tone was flat, emotionless, as though he wasn’t quite sure why he was asking, but still felt compelled to do so.

“Help you? JD, you had that guy out cold before I’d even turned around!” 

“I mean before that, Perry. You backed off so quickly when they went on the offensive. It felt like I was outnumbered. And honestly that was the last thing I thought you would do,” he added with a hint of accusation. 

I felt myself startle physically, and tried earnestly to extract from his words some kind of subtext that, for all my efforts, didn’t seem to exist. 

_What else could I have done, short of what he did? And when?_

The confusion and frustration mounted, and as much as I tried to shake off the sense that a strange chasm had formed suddenly between us, my mind was oversaturated and hit its breaking point.

“Would you rather I had beaten them both to bloody pulps?” I bellowed. “Because I’ll tell ya right now Newbie, I don’t think we could’ve left _that_ scene quite as easily. But hey, heaven help me if for once I tried to control my temper. And for your sake, no less. For you!” 

It all came out louder and more venomous than I’d intended. Newbie frowned and his face paled, looking hurt in a way I hadn’t seen in a long time. Not long enough. Guilt and regret consumed me immediately. I let my head fall into the steering wheel and allowed myself a moment to catch my breath. When I turned back to him, his head was hanging limply forward and his eyes were pressed tightly shut. I reached over to squeeze his shoulder and gave him a gentle shake. 

“JD, can you look at me?” I pleaded softly. 

He lifted his gaze to meet mine for the first time in several moments. His brow was still crinkled and his eyes were moist. A small crack ran jagged through my heart. I _felt_ it. He didn’t protest, though, when I moved my hand to cradle his chin between my thumb and forefinger.

“Newbie, I’m sorry. I’m just—I’m sorry, okay? I’m exhausted and trying hard to understand what’s upsetting you. But honestly, I’m confused about pretty much all of it.” I swiped my free hand over my face, fearing he would press me on my own concerns. Mostly though, I worried my outburst would overshadow the genuine remorse I was trying to express. 

“Yeah, I’m confused too,” he breathed. I cocked an eyebrow.

“About what?” I nudged, thankful that our focus remained on him. JD chewed his lip thoughtfully.

“I guess it’s just...you’ve always been like a superhero to me, you know? And don’t get me wrong, I value and love every time you’re vulnerable with me, but—” He paused, seemingly trying to figure out how to continue, but I shook my head and cut him off. 

“But now that we’ve been together awhile, I’m looking a bit less like Superman and a bit more like Obnoxiously-Attractive-But-Otherwise-Just-A-Normal-Guy...Man.”

That elicited a refreshing, if dulled, chuckle.

“Definitely obnoxious. Definitely attractive. Definitely _not_ just a normal guy, _man_ ,” he teased, grabbing my outstretched hand and leaning across the car to leave a lingering kiss across my lips.

I smiled and returned the kiss in earnest, momentarily forgetting the gnawing sensations in my stomach.

“For what it’s worth, Newbie, I love that you saw me as invincible. But it takes a lot of pressure off of me knowing that you know I’m not.” I raised a finger to accentuate my point. “Now make no mistake, if you ever want me to level some homophobic ass-wipe that’s giving you a hard time, well you just say the word, there, Kid. But I wasn’t exactly thrilled at the prospect of some over-tanned, empty-headed beach trash ruining our weekend, and figured if we could both walk away unscathed, then why scar up these beautiful faces?” I gestured between us and gave JD one of what had become my signature only-for-him winks. He nodded, grinning appreciatively, and after a moment, the sparkle in his eyes reignited.

“That’s a really good point. Jeez, I’m sorry, Perry. I guess in some ways, knowing you as the person you are and not the superhero I’d built up in my head is just a bit more jarring than I would’ve expected. But goddamn, is it ever worth it.” After a thoughtful pause, he added, “Plus, I must’ve looked pretty badass dealing with those steroid junkies on my own!” 

I grinned in the affirmative.

“Johnny-Boy, you were the most badass guy in neon swim shorts I’ve ever seen.” 

He beamed proudly and clapped my shoulder.

“Damn right! Guess I didn’t need ya after all, eh Per?” He exclaimed, elbowing me teasingly in the ribs.

My stomach dropped and the weight in my chest tripled, but I chuckled and returned a playful shove. 

“I guess not, Newbie.”

We emerged from the car and hauled our things toward the hotel entrance, the bounce in JD’s step surprisingly lively given the day we’d had and the amount of crap he was carrying. I fell into step a few feet behind him and watched as he disappeared through the sliding doors. Although I only lost sight of him for a few seconds, the distance between us suddenly seemed infinitely farther.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s always ice cream with these two.

“Do you think we should get married?” 

The words erupted from my mouth, catching my conscious brain in a state of utter surprise; until that moment, I had been fairly certain that I’d just opened my mouth to sneeze. Instead, I heard myself offering an embarrassingly lukewarm proposal. As it happened, I was not the only shocked man at the breakfast table. JD spat his mouthful of instant coffee back into the mug and looked up at me, excessively ashen and cartoonishly bug-eyed. 

“Was that a proposal? Because I’ll be honest, Per, I’ve heard better.” The whole thing came out in a much higher pitch than he’d intended, I’m sure.

“Of course not,” I spat defensively while shoving some napkins across the table to address the coffee spittle that had missed his mug. “I’m just asking if you think we should.” 

_Oh God, what is the matter with me? Where did that even come from?_

JD’s face scrunched up incredulously, but I decided I might as well lean into the whole mess, if for no other reason than it appearing the quickest way _out_ of the conversation. I sighed again and gave him a gentle kick below the table. 

“Come on, Newbie, I promise there’s no wrong answer.” 

He nodded and his tensely shrugged shoulders dropped some.

“Well okay, I mean you know where I stand on weddings. They’re beautiful and sentimental and we get to wear tuxes!” he exclaimed, his eyes shining and gestures animated as he catalogued these thoughts aloud. I just smiled quietly at the gorgeous idiot whom I had somehow been fortunate enough to call my own for almost a year. The medicine ball I’d apparently swallowed the day before was still present in my chest, but as long as Newbie was smiling, I found its effects were dulled severely. Perhaps it was somehow to blame for my spontaneous failed sneeze—there’s only so much room in a man’s chest, it would seem.

“So should I take that as a ‘yes’? Not that I’m proposing, or anything,” I added lightly. To my surprise, JD shrank back a bit and his grin faltered.

“I—uh—I don’t know.”

Forget what I said. A man’s chest can expand infinitely to accommodate any burdensome weight. 

Newbie noticed my startled expression and rushed to continue.

“Per-Bear, I love you with all my heart and if I had a second heart I’d love you with that one too,” he crooned. 

Unfailingly, his head then tilted slightly and his eyes glazed over. 

_He’s imagining himself with two hearts and he’s going to give me one right...about...now._

Damned if it wasn’t almost impossible to be annoyed by him, but I tried my best anyhow and cleared my throat impatiently. His eyes snapped back to meet mine. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly. “What I was trying to say is that I love you _more_ than I love weddings and I also happen to know that both marriage and public displays of sappiness are among the list of things that you hate the most.”

“That is true,” I nodded appreciatively, “though lest we forget _how_ all of Sacred Heart came to know about us—you’re welcome very much.” Newbie giggled fondly at the memory. It seemed like years ago that we had literally come out of a closet at work, at which point I’d made us known in no uncertain terms. To think that it had all happened just under twelve months ago seemed nearly impossible. The kid reached across the table and latched onto my hand.

“All I’m saying, Per, is that when it comes to us, I don’t actually care that much which box we check on our census forms. And if you’re still carrying around baggage about marriage, why open up the suitcase and dump it into the middle of our perfectly wonderful relationship? All I really care about is that we love each other, and we both already know that we’re in it for life. So anything more than that is just...” He paused thoughtfully and shrugged. “Well, I can’t think of a metaphor right now, but you get what I mean.” 

“For life?” I repeated his words slowly and deliberately. My Newbie nodded, a bit confused.

“Well, yeah, what’d you think this was? A three hundred forty-one-night-stand? Not that I’m counting,” he grinned. 

The smile that pierced into me a million times before did so for the million-and-first time and he made everything make sense again. I could have floated straight upwards as the weight in my chest burst and melted away all at once.

“You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that, Newbie. Hell, _I_ had no idea until you said it,” I exclaimed breathily. JD tilted his head curiously as I continued. “In fact, I’ve been agonizing over this since yesterday, except I didn’t know exactly what _this_ was until right now.”

“Care to enlighten me?” He asked hesitantly. I smiled and took his hand once more.

“JD, I’m okay with not being a superhero in your eyes anymore. Really. But God, you more than took care of yourself with those guys—you didn’t need my help at all. And I know you were joking when you said as much, but...” I trailed off, breath unsteady, feeling raw and exposed. But Newbie’s face colored with concern and it made me feel safe. The type of safe I’d first felt when he’d helped me through Ben’s funeral, and when we sat wordlessly, side-by-side, on the beach in the hours that followed. I took a deep breath and willed myself onward.

“Okay. I know it sounds stupid, but I guess I panicked a bit that there would be a time when you wouldn’t need me at all anymore. For anything.” 

As I spoke the words, they brought to me some additional clarity. After all, my only other serious relationship had been with Jordan, the universe’s most ferociously independent individual. In that way, the feeling of being needed was still relatively novel for me, as was the fear of losing it altogether. 

My voice was trembling as I explained these things aloud and it made me wish my seat had an ejector button. But my Newbie—delicate, sturdy, compassionate as ever— grasped my chin gently and forced me to meet his glassy blue eyes across the table. 

“You’re right, Per,” he said hoarsely. “That sounds _incredibly_ stupid.”

“W—what?” I choked out as the rest of the English language evacuated my brain. 

“First off, let’s get one thing straight. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how lucky I am to wake up next to you. And if I haven’t expressed that as directly or as often as you need, I’m sorry, Per. Truly. You deserve to know it and feel it as much as you’ve made me know it and feel it. I never want you to feel taken for granted. Not after how hard you’ve worked to be good to me. Not with how much you’ve taken care of me.”

My eyes stung and I opened my mouth to assure him that he had always done more than enough for me, but he held up a hand and continued.

“Secondly, you’re afraid I won’t need you? Per-Bear, I knew I needed you the first time you ever walked away from me. As soon as you disappeared from that exam room I felt an absence where you’d been standing—a vacuum. I can’t explain it, honestly. Joke about ‘daddy issues’ all you want, but it’s always been more than that for me. And nothing about that has changed since you started calling me yours. You’re my counterbalance, my grounding force when my head gets stuck in the clouds, the solid foundation that I know I can always rely on when everything else feels like it’s crumbling. 

“And you’re afraid I won’t need you? I punched a homophobe—so what? You think I would’ve done it if I didn’t have you right there with me? I needed you on day one, I needed you yesterday, and I’ll need you even more tomorrow. So, in conclusion, you’re _incredibly_ and _astonishingly_ stupid, and I love you so much that sometimes it makes it hard to breathe. And I need you. Because without you, I don’t breathe at all.”

My Newbie’s eyes glittered with fresh tears and his cheeks were stained with those that had already fallen. I could have disintegrated with the way he broke me, but instead I stood and rounded the table, pulled him up by his lapels, and kissed him like the world was about to end. For all I cared, it could have ended right then, because there was nothing left for me but him and he was _mine_.

We stood that way for an immeasurable time, when JD suddenly pulled away, eyes enormous with excitement. 

“The sprinkles on the sundae!” He exclaimed.

I snorted in amusement and felt my eyes roll of their own free will.

“John Michael Dorian, were you daydreaming _while_ we were making out?”

He shook his head emphatically. 

“No! The metaphor, Perry! If we were ever to get married, it’d be like the sprinkles on the sundae. As in, not necessary, but could only make it better.” His chest puffed out out as though he’d just solved some arcane mathematical theorem. 

I laughed heartily and clasped my hands lovingly around his neck, a rush of warmth spreading through me. 

“The sprinkles on the sundae,” I echoed in amusement. 

“Yeah,” he blushed. “Or maybe I’m just craving ice cream.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” I chuckled. “I’ll call Room Service.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit more ice cream, a lot more smut.

  
We spent the remainder of the morning back in bed, lazily enjoying more ice cream than I would normally care for. Though, for once, I couldn’t be _bothered_ to care. We had once again managed to find a moment where time, space, and all of reality could not impose themselves on us. And I’d be damned if the minutia and the mundane should dissolve the seemingly infinite, incomprehensibly fleeting oasis we’d created for ourselves.

As usual, Newbie took his sweet time finishing his bowl, taking special care to leave as little behind as humanly possible. One could attribute it to his ridiculous addiction to sugar, but one would be failing to account for his knowledge of how much it gets me going when he winds his tongue around his fingers with calculated precision. And how it launches me into unbridled frenzy when he notices me staring and proceeds to make unwavering eye contact as he alternates each finger through his mouth.

JD grinned as he passed his pinky between his lips a final time, eyeing the bulge in my sweatpants that I’d been palming unconsciously in sheer captivation. He placed his empty bowl on the nightstand and flipped onto his side to push my hand away and take over its motions. There never was and never would be a time where the warmth of his hand against me wouldn’t immediately turn my very being to melted putty.

I circled a hand around his neck and pulled him forcefully into my lips. His mouth granted immediate entry to my wanting tongue and we probed eagerly into one another in a dance now thoroughly practiced, but never short of exhilarating. As his hand continued to work at my straining erection, I felt my hips begin to roll in desperate attempts for greater contact. Newbie took the hint and hungrily gripped at my waistband, yanking down my sweatpants just enough to free my cock. It ached and twitched with anticipation as he expertly wrapped his fingers around the head. His thumb grazed the tip with delicious pressure before he traced the length to its base. He allowed his fingers to drag teasingly across my balls, having long ago discovered how quickly the sensation renders me helpless and begging.

A rattling moan emanated from deep within my chest and met its demise at the back of JD’s throat. My fingers dragged over the skin of his stomach and hips to curl into the fabric of his briefs, and he lifted himself to hasten their removal without breaking our quickly intensifying rhythm. I dug into the backs of his thighs and the firm flesh of his ass, which only spurred his quick, tight movements along my shaft. Screaming anticipation and his increasingly audible moans made me leak steadily into his hand. The slickness was intoxicating, but not nearly enough. It was never enough.

With only the slightest grasp on my own awareness, I flipped JD roughly onto his back and finally broke our kiss to press tongue and teeth into the exposed flesh around his throat. The whines and gasps that this evoked were never more beautiful or alluring, and I only ached to taste more of him. I moved a hand swiftly to address his heretofore unattended cock and braced myself with the other. Then allowed my mouth to trace swaths of abstract patterns into the skin on his chest and stomach. My teeth driving lovingly and hungrily into his flesh were sure to mark him, should he ever forget whose name he could never stop himself from shouting. He growled and writhed beneath me with the same unhinged desire he so expertly drove me towards. 

My taste of him not yet sated, I raised myself and whispered roughly into his ear.

“Flip over, Doctor Dorian.”

He obliged with a speed and willingness that could only emerge through complete, unquestioning trust. That which I considered more sacred than any oath or deity, the gift that he gave me over and over without inhibition, begged to be rewarded with only the purest, warmest, most reverent pleasure that I could offer. I trailed a final line of kisses from his shoulder blade to the base of his spine, before taking firm hold of his hips to lift him onto his knees. He balanced himself momentarily on an elbow to pivot his head and deliver a final look of desirous assent. His eyes were a churning, stormy version of themselves and I knew that it was a storm of my own making and one that could only be tempered by my own hands.

I dug my thumbs into the glistening flesh before me, circling them ever closer to JD’s opening. He exhaled through his teeth, shuddering in anticipation. Needing no further invitation, I spread him with firm care and pressed the flat of my tongue into his awaiting entrance. His head jerked up from the pillow as a series of curses and grunts spilled from his lips. I smiled at my own prowess and dragged my tongue around the edges of his puckered skin, before offering a series of intensifying flicks that probed into him, each movement deeper than the preceding. The painfully gorgeous, sweat-streaked younger man beneath me was quickly losing the battle we never hoped to win, but I selfishly was not ready to grant him his defeat. One last time, I allowed my tongue to explore his welcoming and intoxicating depths, before firmly patting his thighs in the wordless signal that he’d come to recognize. 

My Newbie, ever willing and obedient, returned to his back, the raging storm within him near its apex. I reached for the bottle of lube that lay haphazardly across the nightstand and dispensed some into my palm. JD stroked himself, eyes transfixed on the hand that distributed the lube most expertly onto my cock. I knelt between his legs and dragged my palm from just above his dick all the way up his chest, letting it settle beside his head. His eyes were now closed and lips slightly parted in a shape most inviting. I allowed my own lips to press into him and his eyelashes fluttered for a brief moment. Somehow still taken off-guard by his eminent beauty in his current state, my need for the electric friction that bonded us was in danger of splitting me apart at the seams.

I positioned myself at his opening and gently, knowingly, pressed the head of my cock past the ring of muscle and into the fantastically tight hollow that it guarded. It was nirvana in no uncertain terms. He cried out in unfettered bliss and I allowed him to roll his hips as he adjusted to the fullness. When he was ready, and only then, I began the slow, hypnotic rhythm that would surely overtake us in welcome victory over our flooded senses. I removed the hand that had been working his cock, allowing our bodies to provide enough friction to reward his thrusts. Our hips rocked together in delicate, desperate unity until I felt the base of my spine begin to seize and tense. Sheathed fully in this man’s being, I felt his muscles begin to contract and release, and our now rapid pace splintered apart into the final moments that time itself could not dictate. 

“JD,” I gasped between thrusts.

His eyes flicked open and bored into mine, his chest heaving erratically. 

“I love you—fuck—I love you, JD.” I moaned hoarsely, before pushing into him one final time. His thighs tightened around me, he threaded his fingers into my hair and pulled my chest into his for a kiss that would bruise wrought iron. In the same moment, I felt myself burst in unforgiving shocks and spasms, safely sheathed in his depths. Seconds later, he released in rapid waves that spilled onto both of our stomachs. Between us erupted a cacophony of yells and curses and sacrilegious prayers to unknown divinities. 

I rode out what felt like hours of aftershocks inside of him, our chests pressed firmly together as we struggled for calm, even breath. My Newbie, astonishing in his soft glow, clung to me as though he would otherwise disintegrate into the bed sheets. I bathed in the warmth of his breath against my neck.

“Perry,” he whispered delicately against my ear. “I love you too.”

We lay together, limbs entangled infinitely through time and space and dimensions unknown. 

_This_ , I reminded myself. 

_For life._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean, you have to know where this is heading by now.

“Do you think we’ll ever have to deal with more assholes like those guys from yesterday?” My Newbie wondered aloud as we returned to our room. We were both pleasantly buzzed from a few choice drinks that perfectly complemented the serenity of an oceanside dinner.

“I think it’s a distinct possibility,” I admitted, head and heart buzzing for reasons unrelated to the alcohol.

JD sighed in resignation.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“But if we’re lucky, Newbie, there will also be people on our side, like that woman who helped us.”

He shrugged and gave a brief smile.

“And if we’re not so lucky?”

Dropping my keys and wallet onto the small kitchen counter, I spun to face him. I placed both hands over his cheeks and pulled his face into mine so that our noses almost touched. Our gazes connected and I marveled briefly at his eyes, which had seemed to have taken home a bit of the sea.

“Well, Newbie, and I mean this with the utmost sincerity: Next time _I_ get to punch someone’s lights out.” 

We laughed freely and unguarded, knowing full well that our future would require the constitution that we seemed to possess only when together. That future seemed closer with every breath, and a door I’d felt so hesitant to unlock now stood before me, open and limitless. Eventually our appletini-and-scotch-enhanced laughter subsided, and as JD turned to hang our sweaters, I withdrew the small wooden box from the bedside table and slipped it into my jeans pocket. 

“You feel like some music?” I offered, hoping the tremble in my voice wasn’t too evident. He nodded and I moved to fiddle with the ancient hotel radio, managing to pull in a station that played quiet jazz over the soft hiss of static.

“Maybe it’s the booze, but I feel like dancing. Join me?” I asked, feeling a quaking in my neck and shoulders. 

JD raised his eyebrows in a mix of surprise and suspicion, but answered with a shrug and a grin.

“Oh, that is most _definitely_ the booze, Per-Bear. But seeing as this might be my only chance ever, I’m not about to say no.”

He glided to me with a grace I would swear he reserved only for such moments. I claimed his hands in mine and we swayed together, my head resting on his shoulder, until I worked up the courage to speak, unrehearsed but fully prepared. 

“You know, Newbie, I’ve always been so angry.”

He stepped away just far enough to meet my eye.

“You don’t say,” he exclaimed sardonically. I sighed and squeezed his hands a bit tighter.

“Come on, JD, I’m trying to say something here.”

“Sorry, Per. Keep going,” he urged gently.

“Okay. Right. Anyhow, for so long I took so much of that anger out on you. Gave you so much more than anyone could deserve, let alone you—the one person who really has been at my side as long as you’ve known me.” 

A lump in my throat threatened to choke me, but I swallowed it and pushed on. 

“And then, after Ben died, God it could’ve gotten so much worse. I mean, it did right at first, and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for blaming you for his death. But you forgave me. You chose to love me anyway. And I know, Newbie, you tell me that it wasn’t a choice. That you were just drawn to me and nothing could’ve stopped it. But I don’t think you can realize how much of a choice it is to love someone like me.”

My eyes began stinging with barely contained tears as I caught JD’s turn watery. 

“But you did, JD. You chose to love me, and that above all is what has given me the space and time to become more of the man you so rightly deserve.”

I removed my trembling hands from his to find that they, too, were quivering, and reached into my pocket to withdraw the most important parcel of wood and metal to ever manifest. Finally, I lowered myself to kneel before the astoundingly goofy, loving, beautiful man who had met my every uncertainty with unfailing love and reassurance. I opened the box in my outstretched hand and took a final, definitive breath. 

But Newbie beat me to it.

“Oh, Perry! Oh my God! What is that?” JD exclaimed in wild cries of excitement as he gestured toward the silvery ring that stood shining in its oak container. 

I laughed, utterly lost and exhilarated as my momentum was stolen right out from under me.

“What do you mean, ‘what’s that’?” I finally answered, lifting the ring from the box and extending it between my thumb and forefinger. 

“Newbie, it’s the sprinkles.” 


	8. Epilogue

I reclined against the hotel room pillow, wholly content and exceedingly amused as JD proceeded to call seemingly every contact in his phone to deliver his big announcement. Ignoring my vigorous protests, he turned on the speakerphone when Turk picked up.

_“Hey, JD! What’s up man? How’s the coast?”_

“C-Bear! Get Carla! I want to tell you both at once!” JD exclaimed.

 _“Tell us what? Wait—hang on.”_ We listened as Turk turned away from the microphone. _“Baby! JD’s on the phone and he wants to talk to both of us.”_

 _“I’m coming!,”_ we heard Carla call out. _“Okay I’m here. Hey Bambi, what’s up?”_

“You guys!” Newbie squealed. “We’re engaged!”

 _“What? Are you serious? That’s amazing, V-Bear!”_ Gandhi called out in a pitch nearly matching that of the giggling idiot wearing my engagement ring. _“I mean, I still can’t quite believe it’s with Doctor Cox, but—“_

 _“—Turk!”_ Carla chided. _“JD, that’s incredible! I can’t wait to hear all about it—“_

“I know! Tell them how you did it, Perry!” JD urged as he held the phone toward me. I shook my head vehemently, but tried at least to quiet his disapproval.

“Hey Carla, Gandhi,” I called out. “Please don’t get him any more worked up, okay? I was hoping to actually sleep tonight.”

 _“Perry! Congratulations!”_ Carla said warmly, all but ignoring my plea. _“We have to head out now, but we’re so happy for you two! Don’t party too hard, alright? We’ll be celebrating plenty when you guys get back.”_

“See you soon! We love you!” JD announced loudly. 

I rolled my eyes out of pure reflex. And although it did little to conceal the smile that seemed determined to stick around, I can’t say I minded.

Not one bit.

**Author's Note:**

> Well friends, it has been a true labor of love to produce this final installment in my “Relativity” series. Emphasis on “labor” and “love.” I had much more trouble with this one for some reason, but I’m quite happy with the end result. I do hope you enjoy, and while this closes out this series, I don’t imagine Jdox is through with me quite yet. 
> 
> (Extra note: Title was just a placeholder taken from the CRJ song of the same name, but ended up fitting perfectly.)


End file.
